JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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