he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Randomize
