I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
