I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Randomize
