Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
