Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
