I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
