Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
