somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
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Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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