when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Randomize