I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
