Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
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I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
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I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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