You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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