I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
