bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
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