hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
