i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
