im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
