one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
