I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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