So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
