I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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