I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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