For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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