i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
