There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
