what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
There's always time for handjobs
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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