I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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