you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Randomize
