were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
you traded sex for a burrito?
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
