Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
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