Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
