he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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