my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
