she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Found the puke drawer
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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