is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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