RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
