Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
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