Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Randomize
