umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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