I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
