I queefed so loud it echoed.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
You're a waste of cheezeits
the liver wants what the liver wants
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
