I like to think it a success when the cops are called
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Randomize
