Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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