i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
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