I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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