I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
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