Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
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