So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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