I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
