Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
do herpes really smell.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
If its not for food we ain't going out.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
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