i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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