So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
