I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
