Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Randomize
