which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
There's always time for handjobs
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
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