3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Randomize
