Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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