Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
