My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
