imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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