Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
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