I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
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