I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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