The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
