well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
