She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
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