the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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